• Donate to T.B.F.

    T.B.F. is dependant on donations from users like you! Thank you to those that have made a donation! All donations go back into upgrading the site!


    25% of donation goal reached.
    Donate Sidebar by DevFuse
  • Recently Browsing

    No registered users viewing this page.

Sign in to follow this  
eyelander

Common Workshop Tools

Recommended Posts

eyelander

1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat

metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and

flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly

painted part you were drying.

2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under

the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and

hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,

"SH**!!!"

3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their

holes until you die of old age

4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads.

5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board

principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,

and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your

future becomes.

6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is

available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the

palm of your hand.

7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable

objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a

wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and

motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or =

socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground

after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle

firmly under the bumper.

10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an automobile

upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas

fir.

12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another

hydraulic floor jack.

13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for

spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots.

14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes

and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile

strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect.

16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool

that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end

without the handle.

17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth. Sometimes called

drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which

is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main

purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that

105-mmhowitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the

Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat

misleading.

19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style

paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, as

the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads.

20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning

power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that

travels by hose to an Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last

tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and rounds them off.

21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or

bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer now-a-days

is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the

object we are trying to hit.

24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of

cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on

boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, plastic parts and

the other hand not holding the knife.


Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Some Old Guy

That was a great read! Ha Ha!

Roger


R.T.R. Respect the resource!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this